Aggravated Photopursification

So I got an official looking document from a lawyer on Friday. It's regarding pending litigation entitled, Graham v. Loman.

Dear Mrs. Loman:

We have been retained by Mrs. Anne Graham for legal representation in the matter of the blatant invasion of privacy recently perpetrated by you; to wit, by your having unlawfully and stealthily obtained a photographic image of our client against her will, the brazenly, and with malice aforethought, having displayed said image on your handbag without having first obtained her prior written consent, to her profound horror and embarrassment.

Please be advised that your action in this matter have constituted an intentional infliction of mental distress on Mrs. Graham; and have resulted, further, in a seriously unlawful violation of her constitutional right to privacy.

And, of ever graver import, is the fact that your action constitute a criminal act under federal Maritime law, as recently interpreted in the U.S. Supreme Court case of Sponge Bob v Squidward, 46 US 10 (2010), which held that a crime of aggravated photopursification is punishable by no less than 30 lashes, and by walking the plank in the parish church parking lot.

On Mrs. Graham's behalf, therefore, we demand that you immediately cease and desist from continuing these unlawful activities, or else suffer the consequences of the Graham family retribution; that is, of having all the air removed from your car's tires in the church parking lot during next Sunday's Mass.

Faileth not at your own peril!


So I guess the moral of the story is don't get caught taking pictures of unwilling people and then putting them on a handbag. Or it could be that I just need to find a different set of friends. I would have thought that having a lawyer for a friend could have helped me.